Being tired is a normal experience for most of us. We live in a world where work, social, and family responsibilities often add up to more hours than are even available in a day and so we cut out sleep when we can. We'll stay up a couple of extra hours to get a project done or just watch something on TV because up until that point we've been going non-stop. That is the tired that I know and have come to accept. Today I am not feeling that kind of tired. Today is the kind of tired that caffeine doesn't touch and that you can't shake off with a quick stroll around the block. This is tired that hangs on you and pins you to whatever surface you happen to be against.
I am not commonly an insomniac. In fact I'm usually very much the opposite which makes the reason for this exhaustion all the more puzzling. I'm really not used to waking up at 3am. Staying up until 3am happens occasionally, but starting out sleeping and then waking up that early is not something I'm in the habit of doing. To those of you among my friends, family, and acquaintances who routinely have to endure this sort of involuntary neuropsychological fuckery, I applaud you for not murdering anyone (that I know of). I write this mostly as a warning and a request for help. If you hear me snoring from behind my office door or see me nodding off in a meeting, nudge me. It's embarrassing enough already that there's no need to be concerned with my dignity. I lost that a long time ago. After all, there is important stuff to wear myself out doing, and I should probably be awake for it.
Also, to anyone that I might end up murdering today, I'm sorry. I am normally not a violent sociopath. Really, ask any of my friends or family. I am normally a sweet, funny, teddy bear of a human being. It's not you it's me, or more accurately the sleep deprivation. I promise it won't happen again as long as I get some motherfucking shuteye tonight.
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